I wrote this piece at the start of my three day bender back in December. I’d had a great birthday week and I’d decided that now I was a respectable adult (at 22) I really needed to settle down. Enjoy.
The pursuit of happiness is quite frankly, ridiculous. Someone decided that money can’t make you happy. Others will tell you that you should be happy as a whole and not search for your ‘better half.’ Someone else will tell you that focusing entirely on your career is ridiculous and you’ll wake up one day miserable, bitter and lonely. So what should make us happy?
I’m not going to tell you what happiness is to you but I know that for me, for better or worse, I don’t feel like I can be happy in life without a partner. Sad I know. Whatever the reasons are for this are best left to explore another day but this is me documenting my ‘pursuit of happiness.’ Or rather it’s me telling you about a bunch of guys I dated.
My slutty days on Grindr are over! I’ve slept around, I’ve been to the clinic fearing the worse (I’m clean don’t worry) and now I’m all shagged out and it’s time, in my head, to settle down. If I could hit fast forward on my life I could happily jump to having graduated with a nice job, be engaged to the love of my life and be planning to buy a house so we can fit in a cot. But sadly before I get there I have the arduous task of finding the missing man in that picture. But finding a man as keen as I am is not easy!
Having decided that Grindr was no longer to be used for hookups, I started very carefully choosing guys to talk to whose profiles suggested they were looking for something a little more substantial than a handjob in the park. I was thrilled to find that actually, if you put in a little bit of effort in it wasn’t too hard to strike up a decent conversation with people.
Jumping to my first real date, we spoke a while, we swapped numbers and we agreed we should meet. A dice was rolled to see where we should go and fate chose ice skating for us. Fate also decided that just 24 hours after our evening, I would know he wasn’t the one. He still hasn’t text me back…
But to my amazement I didn’t spend a week crying and renouncing men, this was great news! I could go on dates that didn’t work out and bounce back ready for the next one. My new dating life was beginning and I was excited.
So, several more conversations on Grindr led to some number swaps and I’m now in the precarious situation of having three dates in three days. Wonderful, the new me can take this in his stride. A great evening of learning about interesting people and drinking cocktails, what could be better? Well the old me was lurking in the shadows. Being at home with a hot chocolate watching a rom-com with your boyfriend, that would be nice. My heart quickly began to sink, I wasn’t ready for this. Despite my new acceptance of a life of dating I’d forgotten that my heart was still way out on my sleeve for anyone to take, or worse, to hurt! So I entered my three day dating bender with quite the opposite of optimism, I was dreading it. By this time next week, I thought, I’ll still be single, I’ll have had three awful dates and I’ll be wrapped in a duvet crying into a bowl of ice-cream.
Pray for me.