Date-ja Vu

I read an article recently that said if you didn’t use dating apps in London then you were more likely to find yourself pregnant with twins than be able to get a date. Which is no mean feat seeing as I am definitely a boy! But after some time away from dating apps I decided I would re-download tinder and have a swipe!

I am very pleased to say that I am still Grindr free and have had no desire what so ever to return to that dark place. I’m also proud to say that after a few weeks back on tinder I was back in the game and arranging dates.

Here comes the deja vu. I have been off this week due to some ill timed uni work so I’ve bagged two weeks extra ‘holiday’. So I arranged a date…and another one…and another one. That’s right, three dates in …well not three days this time. I left myself time in between to recover.

The first date was with a beautiful lawyer who lives in East London so I made the long trip out there to have a drink with him and it was really nice! We talked easily and got to learn about each other and he managed to get me back to his place for a little cuddle and maybe a kiss or two.

Great! My first date and I’d found someone I liked. Alas it wasn’t meant to be and he decided the age gap of 10 years (he was 32) was too much. I never really think about age, if you like someone you like them. But he’d had bad experiences in the past dating younger guys so I completely understand. And I am very thankful he did it on the second date and not a month or two in or I would be sat here drowning in tears and writing.

He was very gentlemanly too and we had the discussion in person. Which is great and all but that’s £3 and a two hour round trip bus journey that I’ll never get back. Thanks.

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One Week Later

So it has officially been one week since I deleted Grindr and I haven’t yet felt any desire to cave. I started thinking more about that book I’d read about dating. I agreed with 99% of what was written but there was one thing, one huge statement that I have fought against ever since he first said it to me months ago.

He suggested that if someone wanted a boyfriend that much that they would have one. But that statement, whilst it may technically be true, doesn’t account for the people in the relationship actually wanting to be in it. I don’t deny it if I wanted a boyfriend enough, which I do, I could settle for someone who I don’t find attractive and who I have no connection to at all but that’s no way to live.

Yeah I would love to have a boyfriend but I want someone to love me and I want someone who I can love in return. That’s not too much to ask from a relationship I don’t think. The problem with trying to find someone who will stick around is that there is too much choice available. Sex as a Service has started to ruin our chances to find ‘true love’. Sure that might not exist and I’m glad to say I’m starting to realise Prince Charming isn’t going to fireman lift me to our wedding five minutes after we meet. But even getting the chance to date people is getting harder.

The last time I dated someone I wrote a post about it but I left out a crucial bit of information that I gleamed from our final conversation together. I’ll be honest he didn’t put it in so many worse but very heavily implied that if I’d have slept with him on the first date there probably wouldn’t have been a second. Is that all it was, a game to get laid?

People want to have sex, men and women, and as gay men have Grindr to find a man a couple of metres away who is waiting with his pants down, they don’t need to go through the effort of dating. I’ll take ‘Flynn’s’ word for it that maybe he was starting to have feelings for me but that’s only because I forced his hand and for some reason he stuck around once I’d refused sex. But he was still sleeping with other people, which is fine we weren’t any where near exclusive, it just shows how easy it is to come by.

I’m quite proud I’ve made it a week without re-downloading Grindr, which is crazy I know…one whole week. But if I stick to it, it’s the start of something good for me. It just means I need to find a new way to meet a man. I do want a boyfriend and I want one who is at least half decent! But where the hell am I supposed to look?