Everything You’ve Ever Wanted

After living in a perpetual existential crisis for a few years it’s no surprise that sometimes I have days were I think ‘what the hell am I doing with my life?’ I reckon most people think that sometimes and I had just such a moment the other day.

It was my first day back on placement after six weeks in lectures. I love learning, I feel at my best when I am doing productive work that involves tonnes of learning. I think that was one of the biggest problem with my first attempt at a degree. The first term was packed full of new interesting things, then after Christmas the learning stopped as we began our production module. Don’t get me wrong I love performing but it was not I wanted to be doing for the rest of my life and I didn’t want to be paying £9000 for it!

But studying nursing, there is never a time where I’m not learning. In fact I’ll probably be googling those terms on the handover sheet for the rest of my life. Which is great! But after six weeks of solid learning, being back on the ward threw me a little bit.

I knew how to do observations, I could do a fluid balance chart and I could sit at talk to a patient if I needed to. I got home feeling that sinking feeling that I was doing the wrong degree again. This couldn’t be happening, I had to get this degree. My Grandma would kill me if I didn’t get a degree before she died…

I’m glad to say this is only a short post because the next day I had a renewed sense of purpose and I’m back on track to becoming a registered children’s nurse! So I guess I should be all meaningful and say that even though you have those days, or months, when you don’t have a goal and you aren’t happy, you’l find something.

Actually I’m gonna end with a quote Michelle Visage posted on instagram because she is an absolute babe.                  “Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear”

Nursing #1

Over a year ago, I decided that I should apply to university (again) to get a degree in nursing. I had already finished a year at university doing Music Theatre and as much as I love theatre, I decided it wasn’t for me. Throughout high school I had wanted to be a doctor but in college I was torn between medicine and drama. So at A-Level I studied Biology, Chemistry, Performance Studies and Drama & Theatre Studies and I spent the next two years listening to people tell me that was an odd mix!

One of my biggest regrets in life is that I didn’t finish my A-Levels to the standard I could have. Towards the end of college I’d given up a little. I had a decent job that I loved, I had a car and great friends and a boyfriend! I was comfortable and I was happy, so why change anything? My last round of exams I flunked and I left college with a BCD. I could have easily got at least ABB.

Thanks to my comfortable life I had also written off the idea of going to university but I had already applied to several to study musical theatre. I also blame the pressure of my mother for forcing me to go to university. I stand by that but I beg anyone who thinks about going to uni for someone else’s sake to stop! 

After a year working and driving round the country visiting my friends at uni the time came to claim my place to study at UCLan. I wouldn’t change that year for anything, I met some amazing people and gained some lifelong friends. Actually if I hadn’t have gone there I would never have met my current flatmate so I probably wouldn’t be in London.

But shortly after Christmas I begin to despise the course, I knew it wasn’t what I wanted to do. I was wasting my time and money…and I wasted a lot of money. Thankfully my old boss was asking me every week to go back to work. Which was a great ego boost and meant I had a job waiting for me when I finished that year. I emailed the course leader telling him I wasn’t going to return and went back to my old job.

The course leader never replied to my email because he was terrible and I can’t wait for the day he retires…or dies…so the course can be run by a decent human being. But I wrote a strongly worded email to the school of arts and all of that was sorted. No more student loan for me!

Another top tip for university, avoid your overdraft like the plague. It took me the best part of a year to claw my way out of mine and now I’m back at uni I swear I’m not touching it again…well not too much.

It was in this year that I decided that if drama wasn’t my calling then healthcare must be. I took the plunge and applied for children’s nursing courses across the country. Being a doctor was definitely off the menu after my less than ideal college results. But that was okay, nursing was an incredible field and I couldn’t wait to start. That was a good sign to me, I was actually excited about going to uni!

As soon as I got an offer from London South Bank I knew that’s where I would be going, sorry Bristol and Cumbria! So here I am living the dream in the capital and I can very proudly say that after 8 months on the course I am absolutely loving it! So I suppose a good way to fill up the blog would be to write about nursing and my experiences of it. But you needed a little background first.

Also if I throw myself into my studies (and writing about them) it means I am sufficiently distracted from the dating scene so I won’t have anymore tragic dates to write about! Which is always good.